Monday, March 29, 2010
Just really rough final project start. a sketch if you will
Here is my start on the final project. I interviewed my mom and dad over the phone about their relationship and this event specifically. I have a lot of work to do though to get from here to what I what my piece to turn out like when it is finished. Let me know what you think.
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I like that you are using part of one of your previous projects in this! It is a very interesting story. Nice interview with dad, even though it's over the phone I think it could fit. Work on cutting the piece down by thinking about what the listener really needs in order to understand your mom and dad. Nice work : )
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI have a couple of thoughts for you:
a). I think right now the piece could be a lot shorter. Or, perhaps it just needs some crafty re-working to make it flow better.
b). The sound of your voice works well for narration. It's calming tones juxtapose the more raw sounds of your mom and dad.
c). For some reason, I think the end of your piece could work well as a beginning, and I think it might be worth playing around with. Just the initial image of being forced to repeat the same mistake, spinning the wheels, 2/4... then back to original story.
d). I'm wondering if you could get some more moments of reflection out of your mom and dad about how their relationship has changed. Your dad says something about wanting to be the protector but I feel like there's something deeper there.
Overall, great work as usual. And yes, I'd love to talk with you about my piece as well.
The phoned in interviews give it a nice 'looking back' feeling but i wished your fathers bits were shorter like your mothers, time to whip out the haiku-hatchet. The interviews added a bit more depth but the whole piece could be edited down.
ReplyDeleteSo, as always, I thoroughly enjoyed your work. Recognizing that this is a rough draft, I have a couple comments and suggestions. First, I almost would like you have you redo your conversation with your mother, or at least use the EQ to fix what happens when she talks. She's rather hard to understand (at least for me) because of something....I don't know if the levels were too high, or the volume, or something simple, but I had a hard time with it. Then, a few times, i wanted you hear you work your pauses and insinuative tones more. The first version of this piece was more sarcastic, and was different, and the changes you have made with how you use your voice are great here too...but some places you start to make a pause and then change you mind, and it causes a hitch. Look for those. Other than that, I think it goes without saying that you'll be doing splicing and editing from this point, but you have good material and great sounds (especially the cars). :) good work!
ReplyDeleteIts great that you have taken the story forward using the phone call sort of flashbacks. I like the way the voices sound over the phone in the piece. the only thing i would have to say is that in some places during the phone conversations the voice is a bit unclear. May be you could rerecord or try fiddling with it on the software you are using. Once again great use of pauses though i also agree with van. The piece can be edited down.
ReplyDelete